


Of Weakness

by youkokurama



Category: X - Fandom, X/1999
Genre: Anal, Angst, M/M, Mutual Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, went con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-27
Updated: 2007-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-20 20:59:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2442944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youkokurama/pseuds/youkokurama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seishirou, Subaru, beer, and fluctuating feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Weakness

Subaru slipped in the veranda quietly, only to find Seishirou’s slumped form staring up the sky and drinking what seems to be a fourth round of beer.  
  
“Subaru-kun,” the voice rose then, sensing his arrival, forcing Subaru to frown like he usually did and march to the reclining bench to snatch away that bottle. But the assassin was too fast for him, swiftly passing the beer to his other hand.  
  
“I won’t make a mess,” the other man said louder this time, but Subaru ignored the warning and positioned himself before him, arms crossed.  
  
“I don’t want anyone making a bar of my _apaato_.” Honestly, he really didn’t know what to do at this time --- he knew that the older one was impossible to stop once he had started drinking. And the stare-down, he knew, wasn’t working --- Seishirou just faced him then with a glazed look in his eyes. He didn’t know anymore if the other was already drunk or what. “You’re in my place, so I have the right to know why you’re doing this.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter.” The voice that came out of those lips was suddenly so soft, that Subaru was quite taken aback with surprise. Looking at the other’s eyes, though… he finally understood.  
  
 _What are you thinking right now, Seishirou-san?_  
  
 _We have no right to complain and mourn about our existence. This life is already that so-called hell for people like us._  
  
Who have ever bothered to console him anyway? None… for the Sakurazukamori they knew was cold, was emotionless, a perfect killer, and he never needed any kind of comfort. He never needed  _anything_. He was the type who believed that exposing one’s weakness to others would damage his craft in killing in general, that real men like them never told others their pain.  
  
But seeing his former mentor right now slowly cracking down to this kind of weakness, despite his obvious efforts to keep back, to keep quiet… it began digging up again those repressed emotions he had worked so hard to hide…  
  
“What’s the matter, Sumeragi? Getting too soft?” Subaru saw Seishirou try hard to smile wickedly at him, his usual lazy way, but the effort just collapsed. This must be one of the rarest moments that Seishirou tried to hide, dug up forcibly by the alcohol, he knew, and he couldn’t do anything. But, though he hated to admit, he knew that his concern now for Seishirou was not solely for the sake of keeping his own sanity strong and intact… his concern now was purely for the sake of…  
  
“As I’ve said, I don’t want you making a mess of my _apaato_.” He said instead, awkwardly, and Seishirou just grunted and looked away, tipping up his bottle again. This won’t do, he realized, so he guessed that he must take the last possible solution…  
  
He sat down and reached for a bottle.  
  
“Hey,” Seishirou warned him then, making a move to snatch the unopened bottle back. But Subaru just deftly dodged the hand, opening the bottle with the can opener he saw thrown under the bench.  
  
And he raised the bottle to his lips and took in one long drink, much to Seishirou’s incredulity.  
  
“Subaru-kun?”  
  
Subaru felt himself smile at this in between gulps --- well, at least he thought he did --- and didn’t even realize that he had half-slammed the bottle back down to the ground when he finally finished with it. He was about to answer back when the alcohol suddenly struck his senses full blast, much to his surprise, making him reel forward and grip more tightly at the bottle a little more to get back his bearings. So… despite all his training as an onmyouji, he cannot beat a thing as simple as a bottle of beer…? A cool waft of wind brushed against his cheeks, and he realized for the first time that some of the beer had trickled off his mouth and down the side of his chin. Guess he really wasn’t that used to beer taste. He felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“Subaru-kun…” It sounded then that Seishirou was the one concerned now, making him look up and wave him away.  
  
“I’m ok.” Subaru  _really_  hated the taste though, yet he knew well enough that he should keep up the act. He picked up another bottle. He felt the older man watch him, half-concerned and half-amused, his own bottle raised up to his lips but not tipping it up to drink from it again. “Don’t worry, I’m used to this,” he added then, just to stop Seishirou from watching, but Seishirou wasn’t biting it.  
  
“No, you’re not.” Seishirou just answered back, carefully… it seems then that he was the one now trying to take care not to let Subaru drink too much.  
  
Subaru just looked at him. A deadly stare. “You’re not the only one who can drink here, Sakurazuka.”  
  
Seishirou raised an eyebrow at that, but didn’t take offense. “I just don’t want you vomiting around here later. You know I’d make fun of you.”  
  
“I don’t care.” It seems that he was getting a lot more verbal.  
  
“But...“  
  
But Subaru seemed not to care, either way, as he’s currently having a blast on finally understanding what’s so good in beer, reaching for another when he finished his second for just a few gulps.  
  
Seishirou, on the meanwhile, was still confused, now also having feelings of amusement, just sitting back and watching, concerned and interested at the same time but not really doing anything about it. Maybe he wanted to see if the younger one could drink that much as he had said, or… he really couldn’t get his thoughts straight to the actual question he wanted to ask. All he knew was that this situation wasn’t normal anymore. Part of him wasn't interested in stopping the omyouji though. So he was even forced to stop drinking himself… he knew that if he had to monitor the younger one’s drinking level he would have to stay sober and in control to do that or else Subaru might overdrink and get himself sick…   
  
But it didn’t help that seeing his Subaru-kun here before him, drinking like he never did, resurfaced those other thoughts he struggled not to think about. The way that smooth slender neck threw back itself as he took down a little more, the way those intense dark green eyes fluttered close for moments, the way those lips perched at the bottle’s opening as he drank, innocent body language --- all these didn’t seem to escape his wavering amethyst eye, no matter how he tried to. Wavering down to another weakness he hated to admit, a weakness for this very young onmyouji who had long been destined to be his enemy. All this time he thought it was just that usual desire to manipulate people, but Subaru… he really couldn’t put a finger in it. He never felt that strongly for Subaru before, but now…  
  
This was awful, he felt --- everything Subaru did seemed so  _sensual_ , and the onmyouji didn’t even know about it…!  
  
Seeing the younger one look a little too woozy a while later, though, he knew he had to stop his fun a little too early.  
  
“Subaru. Stop,” he said firmly, but gently, as he discreetly pried the unfinished fifth bottle off the onmyouji’s fingers. Subaru didn’t give any resistance at that, not even at the absence of the “endearment”, suddenly feeling so sleepy and boneless all over as he unconsciously slumped sideways on the wall beside him.  
  
“I’m not yet that drunk.” Amazingly, his voice still came out clear and coherent, as if he hadn’t actually drank. But the assassin wasn’t buying it.  
  
“I want you to stop this.”  
  
“Then you have to stop drinking too.”  
  
Seishirou faced him squarely then from the bench, his arms rested against his legs and frowning a little. “Why are you doing this?” It actually was more of a question of why Subaru was inducing that effect of raw sexuality untapped on him, but the other didn’t notice.  
  
“Because the world’s not all beer and brooding,” Subaru answered back, simply, and Seishirou knew that Subaru was not that drunk, realizing at the same time that he, in his emotionless little way, was actually still struggling to get in touch with the real Seishirou he still believed in. Seishirou can’t help but smirk then --- he knew that he was flagrantly being unfair to Subaru’s kindness... but wasn’t that supposed to be his image? He had always felt that it was his fate to break the young onmyouji with his indifference.  
  
“I should tell you the same.” He had forced himself to say that coldly. It wasn’t enough though… Subaru just looked at him with an undecipherable gaze.  
  
Subaru managed to stand up then on his own. “I don’t mind if you just push away what I said.”  
  
Seishirou just stared his usual emotionless stare, the “You don’t have the right to get in my case” kind, and suddenly Subaru looked a little weary. He stood up himself then, gripped Subaru’s elbow. “Are you alright?”  
  
Very unlike the cold persona now associated with him, Subaru just nodded back, but he didn’t exactly look like it. Seishirou knew that Subaru had to yet experience the effects of the alcohol later, when he’s finally walking, and he’s not exactly fond of the idea of seeing the younger one sprawled before his door in the morning. “You drank a little too much. That’s a very stupid thing to do,” he told the onmyouji sternly, at the back of his mind wondering still why he bothers, but Subaru didn’t give any kind of response in return --- he just began walking out of the veranda.  
  
He caught up. “Subaru-kun.”  
  
“Go home.” Back to cold mode.  
  
Seishirou didn’t respond… he just quietly held the onmyouji’s elbow and led him to his bedroom, just in case. Arriving there, though, seeing the bed, resurrected again those dark urges he struggled to hide, and he can’t help but feel rooted at the doorframe as he let go of Subaru’s elbow.  
  
 _Strange… this feeling…_    
  
Subaru looked back at him then. “What?”  
  
He just shook his head. “Nothing.” He watched as Subaru just turned away, not really caring, balance occasionally swaying as he made an extra careful beeline for his bed. Seishirou just watched on as the onmyouji stopped, reached inside his pocket for his keys, dropped them on the side table, and paused to reach a hand at the back of his neck.  
  
Subaru, in the meanwhile, was still oblivious to his enemy’s presence, thinking that he had already left. He was more concerned now with those unsettling knots stretching taut the muscles adjoining his neck and the back of his shoulders, making him uncomfortable all over. Gripping the back of his neck tightly, he started stretching his neck to the side, wincing a little as the knots pulled back in protest as they’re gradually straightened out. Then he slowly began bend-rotating his head to straighten out more knots, until he suddenly felt warm hands slide up the sides of his neck.  
  
“Keep still,” Seishirou’s low voice breathed then at his ear, those hands settling down at either side of the crook of his neck and shoulders. He just complied silently, his eyes fluttering close involuntarily, though he really didn’t know why when he’s actually supposed to resist and snap back, tensing a little as the older man began massaging those junctures gently, easing out the knots carefully. For a moment he tried to think about why Seishirou was doing this for him, but then the sensation of starting to feel a little too sleepy overpowered him as his body began relaxing under the assassin’s firm but warm touch --- he might have directly gone to sleep if he was actually laid out on the bed right now. Yet he still struggled to keep still and standing up, one hand rested against the side table to support himself.  
  
Another interpretation for the assassin’s act suddenly flitted in his mind, however, making his eyes snap open and blush a little.  _No, Seishirou-san doesn’t mean that way_ , he assured himself, staring down then at the cold wooden floor, though he’s really having doubts upon realizing that Seishirou had now been massaging him a little too long and standing a little too close to his back that he could faintly smell the sweet mixed scent of beer and musk and aftershave...  _Sweet_. Of all adjectives.... It made him half-blush and half-cringe then… no, he doesn’t feel for the older man  _that_  way either…! Seishirou’s just an enemy who also happened to be a very close mentor in his past, maybe… even a friend… he didn’t even know why he’s always letting the older man stay with him when he feels like it at his apartment. Just…  
  
It seems that Seishirou is cringing the same way too, as his hands seemed to move to their own accord to massage the younger one’s shoulders. His mind was already screaming with protest at what he’s doing, telling him to keep back, keep away from the onmyouji as soon as possible, or else… Or else…   
  
“You’re so tense,” Seishirou said then, just to distract himself from that nagging in his head.  
  
“Hm…” Subaru was forced to answer back, though rather weakly. He was really getting sleepy, that he already wanted at the back of his head to snap at the assassin to leave him alone… but those hands were so good… so warm… despite thoughts of the older man actually meaning another thing upon doing the massage… he almost felt like he wanted those hands to lull him until he finally sleeps…  
  
At that small murmur, Seishirou can’t help but smirk. It was all too…  _erotic… just one sound…_  He couldn’t help but be fascinated by this new awareness introduced to him --- him who was not supposed to be feeling any emotion. The curiosity was already too much for him …  _maybe I could try… make use of this moment… he’s drunk anyway…_  
  
“No one ever massaged you before?” he whispered, easing closer.  
  
“None, really…” Subaru involuntarily leaned further back as those hands suddenly dug deep into another pressure point.  
  
Seishirou then decided to take the chance. “This close..?” he murmured again at the onmyouji’s ear.  
  
Subaru suddenly felt aware that Seishirou was now too close for comfort, almost fully pressed against his back, but somehow he couldn’t… move. His heart suddenly began to race, making him hold his breath a little…  _what am I doing..??!_  
  
Seishirou sensed this sudden stiffness at Subaru’s part, quite amused, and, judging according to his experience with the easily teased onmyouji, he took the chance to softly nuzzle the back of Subaru’s neck. And his effort was rewarded with further tensing on Subaru’s part.  
  
“Seishirou-san…?”  
  
Subaru felt tongue replace lips then at his nape, the sensation still warm but now wet, zoning and exploring, leaving trails that made him shiver a little as the cold night wind blew on them. He felt those hands from his shoulders fall off to the front of his shirt, fumbling the buttons off there. He shivered slightly, overwhelmed and frightened and anticipating all at the same time…  _what the hell is Seishirou doing..?!!! And he isn’t even using any spell…!_  
  
But deep inside, he knew for sure, and though he didn’t want to admit, it’s like he wanted to see what would happen next. It was the first time that someone ever came this close near him, something that he had long wanted from the only person he long looked up to… and now… A part of him then ached to help those hands, yet the stronger part of resistance held him back, the desire of discovering and trying submission too strong, that he closed his eyes, keeping his hands limp at his sides, leaning back a little to help in Seishirou’s access as the other finally had him unbuttoned up to his waist and half impatiently tugged up the rest of the shirt half-tucked loosely at the waistband of his pants.  
  
 _I finally did it, Seishirou thought_ , half in fascination and half in guilt, as his lips moved from the back of Subaru’s neck to his shoulders while pulling back the cloth, sucking and licking at the skin there. Yet the way Subaru was now reclining back at him, eyes closed in surrender, made him feel a warm excitement and anticipation he couldn’t describe, all centering at that area in his abdomen…  _No, not yet_ , he told it firmly, as his hands slid that shirt off Subaru’s pale shoulders and down forgotten to the floor. He let his hand skirt across the firm, lean ridged plane that is the onmyouji’s stomach, pulling him closer, and let the other hand slide down and brush at the growing bulge at Subaru’s front. He felt a slight tremor run at Subaru’s back… the onmyouji must be trying not to moan. He smiled a little to himself then…  _very good… you still manage to resist me…_  
  
“Nobody touched you like this before?” he murmured then at Subaru’s ear, finally deciding to take courage, as his hand began sliding up and down firmly at Subaru’s still unbuttoned pants in slow, agonizing strokes. Subaru’s breath caught a little in surprise, goosebumps sprouting at his arms, but he still tried not to say anything. He let his lips travel back at the side of Subaru’s neck, feeling the trembling beneath, and out of impulse he bit down at the white skin.  
  
And this caused Subaru to hiss suddenly and yank away from Seishirou’s grasp, pushing and turning and stepping back at the same time. He tripped back at that unnoticed bedpost behind him in the process, sending him back to the floor with a gasp. Seishirou tried to catch him then by grabbing his arm, but the younger’s momentum was just too fast that he couldn’t catch him.  
  
“K’so,” was all Seishirou could curse breathlessly, as he finally gained his wits. At his feet, Subaru had twisted to his side, coughing for breath. Seishirou knelt beside him to help him up.   
  
And at that short a time, Subaru had regained his sense of coherent thinking despite the amount of beer in his system.  _What the hell are you thinking, Sumeragi?? What if he suddenly plunges his hand in your chest… just like what he had done to the others?? You’ll be dead, that’s what --- and he’ll just be laughing at your corpse as he feeds you to his damn tree! He’ll shame you, that’s what!_    
  
Subaru finally glared at the older one after a couple of hacks. “Get away from me.”  
  
Seishirou raised an eyebrow, his gaze straying down Subaru's form until he noticed his pants. And at the sight there, he couldn’t help but smirk.  
  
Subaru knew, but he tried to ignore the fact. “What are you smirking at?? Get away from me!”  
  
Seishirou just looked down at him then, and Subaru suddenly felt shut up. He seemed to forget then about his glare, about the room, about the whole episode… everything. He somehow just felt as transfixed as Seishirou, both of them with each other, and with that feeling below their waists.  
  
Seishirou cleared his throat then, but still didn’t make an attempt to move.  
  
Subaru swallowed, Seishirou’s eyes still boring into his, feeling his defenses waver. But then he remembered that he was supposed to be angry…  _right…_    
  
His eyes phased back to the usual killer mode as he hissed, starting to sit up.  
  
Seishirou just stared.  
  
“What?! Are you getting so soft that you can’t even understand a simple ‘get away’?” Subaru savagely tried to lift himself off from the floor then, nevermind that the room's slightly spinning. “If you couldn’t find any girls to lie with and kill, then don’t play with me!”  
  
He didn’t realize that those words could have that strong an impact, as Subaru saw the other’s eyes narrow to an undecipherable stare, the eyes he usually possesses when he’s about to kill someone, and as his hands roughly slammed Subaru back to the floor and pinned him there. Hard. Much to Subaru’s angry surprise.  
  
“You want me to kill you now?” Seishirou had hissed back, all reason being clouded over by unreasonable anger as he shoved his mouth down the onmyouji’s until it almost hurts, his tongue immediately thrusting past petal-soft cold lips. He didn’t really know why he was angry. Maybe it was too much patience… or lust… or…  
  
Maybe he had wanted the younger one for so long now that he couldn’t accept any kind of rejection.  
  
Subaru let out a muffled protest under him, as if choking, as he dug into the sweet mouth further, tasting beer and toothpaste and something close to chocolate. The onmyouji began trying to thrash him off, but he dug his fingernails down at the onmyouji’s arms, successfully stilling but eliciting more pained whimpers from the other in the process.  
  
Then he suddenly decided going slow and sensual, gently caressing every inch of the roof of Subaru’s mouth, loosening the sharp fingernails but still keeping his pindown on him firm.  
  
Subaru was even more shocked at this change of pace, feeling Seishirou play gently around his mouth and forcing telltale tremors down his back. He couldn’t understand why the older man was doing this.  _What’s his problem?!!_   He considered biting down at that invading tongue to stop this once and for all, but a force stronger than he is seemed to stop him from doing anything against the assassin, letting himself be pinned down the floor no matter how it hurts.   
  
And the kiss… He actually found himself… liking it…?  
  
He suddenly felt something hard dig between his legs, painfully forcing his legs open, and a pained groan escaped from his throat again. He tried to pull away from Seishirou’s mouth but the assassin’s hand had lifted his chin and held it there. It seems that though Seishirou’s mouth was gentle, he still intended on keeping his other activities rough. Too torn between confusion and pain, Subaru didn’t hear his zipper being forced open.  
  
And he only felt it when something warm wrapped around his sex and began to stroke it hard but slow.  
  
“Seishirou-san!” he managed to break free from the kiss, gasping, and suddenly jerked in shock when he felt sharp teeth bite at his neck. He felt the blood streak down the side of his neck before the pain, and the strangely elevated feeling mingling with the sting when his violator began sucking at the cut, at the blood. He felt his head lolling back, the view of the ceiling above him getting somewhat surreal, really confused why he felt so weak…  
  
…and why he somehow liked it…  
  
 _… an illusion…?_    
  
“Seishirou-san, _yamero_ …” Seishirou heard the drugged-sounding murmur, the near-plea. But he didn’t stop, instead feeling himself drive further at the onmyouji’s neck. And he could feel the tension there, some kind of a sob that the Sumeragi seemed to try very hard to suppress.  
  
“Seishirou-san… ah…  _i_ …  _itai_ …” Subaru was trying not to whimper.  
  
 _I’ve got the upper hand now…_    
  
Seishirou decided then to draw back suddenly, not before making Subaru wince a little by giving one hard squeeze at his growing erection and straddling him. It took a quarter of a minute before he realized that he was breathing pretty hard, his eyes locked in pure predatory lust with the dark green ones. Subaru’s own eyes had mixed confusion and intoxication, yet mirroring the same amount of lust Seishirou had.  
  
And despite the release, Subaru didn’t move or try to get away as he did earlier. Either he’s shocked, or in much pain, or…  
  
Seishirou bent again, his lips a mere centimeter away from Subaru’s own, making sure he breathed the words right.  
  
“Don’t deny that you want this.”  
  
Subaru froze under him. He seemed to forget that, normally, he was supposed to voice out a protest.  
  
“If you want this…” came the dark and husky threat, “…don’t get in my way.”  
  
The other’s eyes widened at the threat.  _Bingo_  , Seishirou mentally grinned. He began nuzzling at the onmyouji’s facial contours, licking at the blood that had not yet clotted at his neck. “You’ll only get what you want when I get what I want… that’s the rule of the game, isn’t it?”  
  
Subaru winced at the touch of tongue against broken skin, feeling Seishirou’s hand play dangerously close to his erection, and before he could stop himself his body had involuntarily arched upwards to have more of the touch.  
  
“…I’ll be more than pleased to comply. But if you protest, I’ll leave you here… without release. Would you want that?”  
  
But Seishirou knew it was impossible now to get a “yes” or “no” from the onmyouji, so, keeping his gaze at those green eyes, testing, his hand slid to Subaru’s hip, gently teasing a sac. Subaru’s own gaze against him was further wavering, and he could notice that he was breathing rather shallowly and tense.  
  
So Seishirou dipped his head down at Subaru’s neck, slightly letting his tongue trace a wet line from his Adam’s apple down to the hollow of his throat, as two hands began wandering down the pale chest and back, exploring those previously hidden curves and planes on the soft white skin. Subaru felt tongue and lips suck at his collarbone as fingers kneaded and teased at a nipple, and he unexpectedly arched up. His hips can’t help but rub against Seishirou’s own as he did so, and his eyes widened at how hard the assassin already was in his pants. Seishirou made a small surprised sound at this unexpected movement, his own body reacting with the rub and his activity stopping for a moment.  
  
Then a mouth began sucking urgently at his nipple, playing it to hardening, and Subaru can’t help but cry out in pain as teeth also bit slightly into it. Seishirou had also already began tugging off Subaru’s pants to where his arms’ length could take it, pushing off what he could not reach with a foot. He absently noted that the onmyouji didn’t have any underwear… Seishirou’s pants rubbed painfully against Subaru’s legs, and it’s only then that the onmyouji realized he was completely naked, and he started to panic.  
  
“Shh.. don’t…” Seishirou quickly captured his lips to prevent him from looking down at himself, and Subaru felt those fingers wrap again at his erection, running it up and down the length. Subaru can’t help but moan into the kiss, hips thrusting upward to meet more of the stimulation --- Seishirou complied by plunging his palm faster and taking time to slowly tease at the now-weeping slit.  
  
Seishirou, in that state, was quite distracted though --- as he was trying to get Subaru to relax by doing that, his free hand was quickly trying to unzip himself and push off his jeans. Somehow along the way he managed to get it off, his underwear brushing against Subaru’s very aroused length occasionally and getting more groans off the onmyouji. After succeeding to remove even his briefs, he quickly positioned himself between the onmyouji’s legs to secure him more. He had to resist rubbing himself against Subaru or the floor as he quickly licked and kissed down Subaru’s torso, relishing the trembling, only slowing his movements as he slipped between the younger one’s thighs, knowing that he had all night.  
  
Unless, Subaru had already fallen asleep of course. His eyes quickly darted up to check if that was the case --- he actually met Subaru’s own. And Subaru was already panting hard and trembling, confused and afraid and anticipating all at the same time, the scent of arousal heavy in the air. Very much an active participant.  
  
Seishirou smiled at this, before preceding to slowly lick up the inside of the onmyouji’s thigh, but not getting near his erection. He felt the thigh tense, but move apart more out of avoidance from the ticklish sensation. He repeated it again, then next with the other thigh, pinning them down when he felt Subaru wanting to shift away.  
  
“…Seishirou-san…” He ignored the plea, as his mouth closed over a hipbone and had it played over with his tongue.   
  
“Aaah… Seishirou-san…” Subaru’s voice was already tinged with desperation. “Sei --- AH!”  
  
Seishirou’s tongue had began running up his length, licking like one who is taking time to lick his ice cream, causing Subaru’s legs to twitch up. Seishirou’s hands firmly and effortlessly pinned them back down, and Subaru could only be trapped at the myriad of sensations coursing through him, hips restless. He can’t help but throw his head back as his mentor’s ascent arrived at the head, experimentally dipping at his slit. His hips began to move forward, at their own accord, and he finally felt Seishirou’s lips close over him. A small cry escaped his lips, fingers clutching at Seishirou’s shoulders. Seishirou took his time coating the head with his tongue, sucking at the younger one’s fresh taste that was starting to make him want more.  
  
Minutes stretched, and only Subaru’s ragged suppressed breathing and Seishirou’s slight sucking sounds filled the room, Seishirou slowly began taking more and more of the length until it hit the back of his throat. And as Seishirou began moving back and forth, squeezing the length with his mouth, Subaru almost screamed for him to stop or else he would lose all sense of control. It was too much!  
  
 _[... let go, my Subaru-kun…]_   Seishirou again, starting to play once more between the reality and illusionary plane. Subaru blinked back tears as he felt his head toss back further when that mouth squeezed him again, the colors above him getting slightly warped. He almost violently shook his head in protest, as Seishirou’s teeth gently scraped at his length, and he bit back a scream.  
  
 _[ … no… please stop!…]  
  
[… I won’t make fun of you if you’ll let go …]  
  
[… I don’t believe you! … you can’t …]_  
  
But his own body betrayed him as Seishirou gave him a last few sucks, him arching with a nearly voiceless cry as he felt ecstasy finally overpower him and make him let go of the sweet nectar Seishirou gladly savored. Just when had he last felt this way… when had he ever reacted with that kind of voice?  _God, I’m going to die…_   he whispered mentally, as the ceiling before him began phasing from black to white to normal again, feeling like he would finally black out, his whole body very shaky as aftershocks of pleasure racked through him as he vaguely felt Seishirou’s warm tongue suck and lick him clean.   
  
 _[ … no, you’re not…]_   Seishirou answered him mentally, apparently still not breaking his illusory connection with the onmyouji, as he moved up the dazed Subaru and gently pried open the young one’s mouth with his tongue, making him taste himself.  _[… because I’m not yet finished with you…]_   He felt Subaru’s eyebrows crease a little at the taste, his breath still coming in labored.  _[…recovered now, Subaru-kun…?]_    
  
 _[… stop it…]  
  
[… your body is telling me otherwise…]  
  
[… but I don’t want this…]_   
  
“Stop lying…” Seishirou finally whispered, nuzzling the side of Subaru’s face. The boy’s silky soft hair smelled so clean, a slight fresh herbal fragrance that was very much Subaru... his hands roaming quietly over the boy’s pale limbs and torso, he gently traced the onmyouji’s ear with his tongue, before going down to nip lightly and suck the lobe. A shiver rippled through the onmyouji’s body in the process, much to his delight. He did miss these simple pleasures of the flesh… “I won’t let you go until you finally stop lying to yourself…”  
  
 _[… but you’re just playing with me…]_    
  
With that, Seishirou lifted his head up to see Subaru looking at the side with dark unfocused eyes. As if he’s escaping into another world of his own… He gently pulled Subaru’s face to make him meet his gaze. “I’m not. Don’t think that way.”  
  
 _[… not FOR NOW, Seishirou-san…?]_    
  
Seishirou lifted his head at that attempt at sarcasm. “You are doubting me, Sumeragi?”  
  
“Why shouldn’t I? After all the crimes you’ve committed…”  
  
“Should I be offended?”  
  
Subaru tried to avert his eyes, despite the hand caressing the side of his face lulling him to sleep. “Why are you doing this?”  
  
“Because you’re mine,” Seishirou murmured back simply, a hand slightly sticky with cum moving up to lightly trace the onmyouji’s lips. “Because I like you very much…”  
  
 _Somehow… I still couldn’t admit to him that I…_    
  
He stopped at that thought. He didn’t know that… didn’t  _want_   that…  
  
This must all be a mistake. He didn’t have the capacity to feel something like that. The Sakurazukamori didn’t have the capacity to even think about something like that.  _This is all just lust, Sakurazuka…_    
  
Something shook behind Subaru’s eyes that Seishirou wondered if he actually saw that or not. “Please stop…” Subaru whispered drowsily, tried to plead one last time.  
  
“No…” Seishirou whispered back, before replacing the fingers with his mouth once again, gently prodding Subaru to response.  _Lust…_   Hazily, Subaru wondered how the tables had turned so suddenly… just minutes ago he was telling the Sakurazuka to stop drinking, the next he was already being dominated by the same person. He tried pushing off the older man in a last ditch effort, but the assassin just caught his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand, and he knew he had lost.  
  
 _… what am I doing…_   Seishirou wondered himself, feeling Subaru hesitate at his advances.  _…lust… but to treat a person too gently like what I’m doing now… it’s too abnormal…_   He didn’t realize that sooner that it was actually the other onmyouji who was having the control over him, not the other way around. What power could he have to drive one of the Sakurazukamori like him to his knees? He wasn't sure…  
  
But for once, he was actually very thankful that he was the one bestowed with that kind of control… for once, he actually felt that a curse could be as beautiful as pleasure itself…   
  
 _[… Subaru-kun… just let go, for once…]  
  
[… no …]  
  
[… you wouldn’t feel pleasure if you don’t give it back in return…]  
  
[… but I don’t know anything about …]_   
  
Seishirou mentally winced. He should have remembered. Despite Subaru being much older and more mature now than he was at Hokuto’s death, he’s still very much naïve… still very much an innocent when it comes to showing emotions and expressing it. A virgin in many ways… Another thing why he liked Subaru that much. And the young onmyouji now finally even considering his offer… he can’t help but like him more, smirking into the kiss. He loved seeing the way the younger one resists, and seeing himself finally break that resistance.   
  
 _[… just relax and try … I won’t make fun of you …]_    
  
After a few seconds of hesitation, he finally felt Subaru slowly respond to his kiss, experimentally tracing his own tongue at the cavern of Seishirou’s mouth.  _Still inexperienced_ , Seishirou mused, but he loved it that way… all the more reason that he himself should teach the young man. The thought alone made him shiver a little in anticipation, and remember that he still had his lower problem to take care of. Yet he didn’t want to rush the onmyouji, just letting him go at his own pace until he’s finally ready.  
  
He couldn’t remember how it had come about, but the kiss had eventually turned desperate --- Subaru’s mouth driven now with the same urgency as Seishirou’s, both fighting for dominance over the other and both seeking their own satisfaction. It was almost bittersweet, bruising… Seishirou had started moving again, slowly rubbing against the Sumeragi’s hips, and Subaru began making those small sweet sounds again from his throat yet still not breaking the intensity of the kiss. Seishirou had to let go of the pinned wrists when he felt it straining against his hold, and when he did those hands immediately buried themselves in his hair and pulled him even closer. Seishirou knew then that Subaru was finally ready.  
  
 _[… Subaru-kun… I would have to claim you now… would that be alright..?]_  
  
Something was definitely wrong with him tonight, that he still have to ask for the other’s permission…  
  
 _[… claim…?]  
  
[… I don’t think I can hold back much longer…]_   
  
Subaru suddenly broke from the kiss, and Seishirou saw the trembling in those green eyes, the realization of the situation. “Seishirou-san…”  
  
Seishirou captured his lips once more, pulling the other back in the feverish kiss.  _[… it will hurt at the start, but eventually it will be better…]_   He wanted to laugh at how cliche that sounded.  
  
 _[… I’m …]_   Seishirou sensed rather than read that the Sumeragi didn’t want to admit that he’s scared, part of the typical onmyouji pride, and he can’t help but smile at that.  
  
 _[… I’ll try to make it easier for you … trust me …]  
  
[… do we really still have to do that …? …]  
  
[… I have to make you mine…]   
  
[… but I’m already …]_   
  
Subaru had stopped at mid-thought in embarrassment, but Seishirou already knew what that was. Teasingly, he pulled away from the kiss and stared deep into the other’s eyes, smiling smugly as he finished the sentence, “…I’m already yours…?”  
  
Subaru turned away from Seishirou, closing his eyes with a blush. Seishirou chuckled at this, before proceeding to lick tenderly at the onmyouji’s strong but graceful neck. “ _Kawaii ne_ …”  
  
His lips moved down to the hardened nubs, lazily flicking at it, and as he did so his fingers began dipping at some of the cum that had spilled between the onmyouji’s thighs and hips. He sensed the onmyouji forming another erection, and he smiled at that. When he felt that his fingers were lubricated enough, he slipped a strong arm discreetly under Subaru and softly traced the younger man’s opening. Subaru’s eyes flew open, fear evident.  
  
“Seishirou-san…”  
  
Seishirou just propped his huge frame over Subaru’s smaller one, giving him a little kiss and locking his eyes with his. “Just relax,” he murmured, watching Subaru’s reactions, and he slowly and steadily began slipping his index finger in. Subaru bit his lip at the invasion, eyes flickering shut as his whole body instantly tensed from the pain. “Just soothe down and welcome it… and it won’t be that painful.”  
  
“How can I do that with ---“ Subaru gasped, and he felt another slick finger enter him. His body recoiled instantly, tears springing to his eyes, but Seishirou pulled him back down. It really hurts! Seishirou wondered now if he should use an illusion to at least distract the other from the pain.  
  
“I didn’t know you’re still a virgin… _gomen nasai_ …” Seishirou lied huskily instead, just for the sake of conversation, as he gently licked the tears leaking out from the onmyouji’s eyes. Subaru’s whole frame tensed and trembled under him, and his breath hitched once more in pain when the third finger was finally added. Seishirou paused for a moment just to let Subaru get adjusted to the intrusion, before finally moving those fingers around, stretching the younger man. At one point in the movement Subaru had arched a little from the floor, his eyes opening and searching Seishirou’s face, breathing heavily. Seishirou guessed that he must have found Subaru’s pleasure spot.  
  
“Like that?” he murmured, his eyes holding Subaru’s own half-masted ones as he brushed against that spot again. It was really interesting coaxing reactions over those he flagrantly seduced. Subaru arched once more into Seishirou’s fingers, not breaking his gaze, his breath becoming more labored. The fingers inside him now felt funny, somehow erotic despite the sting, and he now wanted those fingers to hit that spot again and again. A small moan escaped his lips.  
  
Seishirou marveled at the feel of the younger man’s inner muscles clenching and unclenching in resistance around his fingers, and he can’t help but fantasize now about how that same entrance would feel when he finally claims it. Amused, he let his fingers simulate the act of the thrust inside Subaru, pulling in and out of the onmyouji, hitting the pleasure spot again and again. He watched on in fascination as Subaru arched and twisted on the floor, head throwing back and moaning quietly as he let those fingers stimulate him, his own body instinctively meeting the pseudo-thrusts. Playing a little longer, he firmly wrapped a hand around Subaru’s semi-erection, stimulating him a little further. He watched as Subaru thrust into the hand willingly and back into the fingers, body moving back and forth, nowhere to go and resistance cracking down further, highly dissolved into the pleasure. The sight can’t help but arouse Seishirou more.  
  
So he finally removed those fingers, seeing that the younger man must be stretched enough, and he received a small sound of protest. Subaru opened his eyes again, dazed, and Seishirou locked those dark green depths with his as he positioned himself and began pushing his painfully hard member into the onmyouji. He saw Subaru’s eyes water again in pain, body trying to move away and arching off the floor, fingernails scratching at the carpet, but he firmly gripped those pale hips to him and concentrated, ignoring the pained pleas for him to stop.  
  
“Se… seishirou… san … _d_ … _dame_ …!” the breathless protest fell on deaf ears, until Seishirou finally buried himself to the hilt, breathing hard. Sweat from his own body dripped down to Subaru’s, and his head fell to the onmyouji’s chest as he closed his eyes tightly and tried to shake off the need to start moving immediately. It was all too tight, and the pressure against his member was starting to drive him crazy, but he can’t move unless Subaru is already used to the feeling or else he’d just hurt him. Dark spots danced before his eyes as he finally managed to lift his head to look at the onmyouji, who was in even more pain.  
  
 _[… Subaru-kun … are you alright…?]_    
  
Tears rolled down freely now on Subaru’s cheeks, and Seishirou in penance quietly licked some of them away. At the back of his mind he really wondered why he was so concerned… Subaru had kept still, but he was still breathing hard, trying fast to negotiate between pain and relaxation.  
  
 _[… I told you to stop…]_    
  
“ _Gomen ne_ …” Seishirou whispered, moving up to kiss Subaru’s forehead.  
  
 _[… it… hurts …]  
  
[… if you want me to stop, I can pull out…]   
  
[… you wouldn’t… want that…]_   
  
Seishirou guessed he should take that as a no.  
  
 _[… what do you want me to do…?]  
  
[… give me… time …]_   
  
Seishirou complied silently, as he gently kissed the onmyouji, pushing back the damp strands of straight black hair matted over the younger one’s forehead and eyes. With his lips he soothed out the crease of pain at that forehead, kissed the closed eyelids. Subaru was too beautiful… so much for a man. When had been the last time he just watched the onmyouji like this, he wondered… they were always fighting. But despite that, Subaru could still not protest against his constant gatecrashing at the onmyouji’s apaato --- yet those times had not been long enough either for him to observe the onmyouji closely, for Subaru would always go out immediately or lock himself in his room… as if he was avoiding him as much as possible. Avoiding him or avoiding similar feelings…? He really didn’t know… After a few moments, Subaru finally opened his eyes, still dazed but now seemingly in less pain.   
  
“You’re so beautiful…” Seishirou can’t help but whisper, and a slight red stained Subaru’s cheeks in response. Seishirou lightly brushed those same cheeks with his lips. “Are you ready…?” Only a slight flicker in Subaru’s eyes answered him, and smiling slightly he pulled back a little until only his head remained in Subaru’s entrance.  
  
Subaru sucked in a breath, slightly wondering if he was torn anywhere… he didn’t know that Seishirou was that huge. And he felt Seishirou push in him again, starting a soft and slow rhythm, letting him get even more used to the feeling. Amidst the slow thrusts, Seishirou had brushed against his spot again, making him whimper and clutch at the Sakurazuka’s broad shoulders. He saw the older man smile gently at this, and it seemed that in his following thrusts he particularly made sure he aimed at that spot.  
  
Subaru was now moaning and whimpering in his usual quiet way but in abandon now, Seishirou observed, feeling that one of the onmyouji’s legs had also discreetly wrapped itself at his waist. It was all too erotic, seeing someone move that way below him, mindlessly meeting his penetration, seeing the soft flush in that pale skin and the slight sweat glisten. And it seemed that he could not stop himself now from slowly accelerating those thrusts, but the younger man seemed to like it.  
  
 _[… Seishirou-san…]  
  
[… hm…?]  
  
[… please …]_   
  
He smirked at Subaru’s now pleading gaze.  _[… please what…?]  
  
[… stop… teasing …]  
  
[…please WHAT, Subaru-kun? … I want to hear you say it…]  
  
[… don’t…]  
  
[… say it…]   
  
[… faster… please…]  
  
[… I think you mean harder…]_  Seishirou had smirked, and chose that exact moment to drive harder into the onmyouji, making the other gasp in surprise and push back against the floor, almost displacing portions of the carpet.  
  
He had established a more urgent rhythm now, him pounding beyond control into the onmyouji, fingers digging into the velvety flesh of those hips that he almost left bruises. Subaru at the same way had his arms wrapped tightly around Seishirou’s neck, wanting to feel more body contact as much as possible, crying out as Seishirou and waves and bolts of pleasure hit him again and again. He felt one of Seishirou’s hands unclutch his hip and move between them to firmly grasp his erection, milking it, and he can’t help but scream out and toss his head back. He could hear Seishirou’s ragged groans, hear the slight suction sounds as he was slammed into again and again, feel himself almost being lifted off the floor, feel everything… pushing him further into the promise of a second climax.  
  
 _[… Seishirou-san… I can’t hold on… much longer…]_    
  
Just a few more thrusts, and Subaru finally fell to the edge, crying out as the wetness burst from him once more, soaking them between their stomachs. He jerked in completion as Seishirou tensed afterwards and similarly emptied loads of the same warm fluid within him, biting down his shoulder. It felt good, being filled like that… The excess of Seishirou’s passion trickled off from his entrance, and he could still feel Seishirou move slowly within him a little longer even after their climax, before finally settling down over him.  
  
Somehow he still couldn’t believe that he let a Sakurazuka do something like this to him…  
  
“Subaru-kun… are you alright?” Seishirou asked quietly afterwards, pulling out when he finally regained control of his breathing. When he only felt Subaru’s steady breath, he lifted his head from its slump beside the onmyouji’s hair and gazed down at him. “Subaru-kun…?”  
  
Saying those were automatic to him. He was not sure if he meant them this time. All he was sure of is he wanted to see whatever emotion was in the younger omyouji's eyes.  
  
Subaru opened his eyes with much effort a moment later, having already fallen into a shallow slumber. Seishirou couldn’t understand if that was actually a small smile playing at the onmyouji’s lips. “Seishirou-san…”  
  
“Are you alright?” Seishirou repeated --- the onmyouji might have been torn anywhere, and he wouldn’t know how to fix that.  
  
“ _Daijoubu ne_ …” the younger man whispered, struggling to keep his eyes open. “Just… sleepy…”  
  
Seishirou figured that the alcohol had finally caught up with the onmyouji, so he quietly rolled to his side and gathered the younger man into his arms, smoothing down the dishelved black hair.  _It’s the alcohol that’s making me act this way_  , he tried to reason out with himself, feeling distinctly the brush of Subaru’s warm breath against his chest.  _Tomorrow it would all be over…_    
  
But somehow even he was not convinced.  
  
And he felt Subaru suddenly stir, slide an arm over his waist.  
  
"...Seishirou-san?"  
  
A part within Seishirou froze at this, yet effectively he hid the offset from the other onmyouji. Racking his brains, he vaguely tried to remember all the things he said...  
  
"… You... don’t mean this, do you?"  
  
If he didn’t know Subaru better, he would have thought of that as a statement of fact or an accusation or an insult. But it was actually more of a question than anything else… Seishirou knew that Subaru hated making things sound mushy. He pulled the onmyouji closer.  
  
“I do,” he murmured. That must be the truth… He didn’t exactly like it… it’s all quite disturbing… but… “Go to sleep --- you’re tired, right?”  
  
Subaru suddenly froze under his touch, and he wondered what it was again. “I… can’t…”  
  
Seishirou looked at the bowed head questioningly, but eventually understood. “You’re thinking that I would kill you in your sleep…?”  
  
Subaru’s arm began to slide off his waist, but Seishirou caught his elbow. Somehow it hurt… Subaru thinking of him like that. And he didn’t know why on earth was he hurt… All these emotions he was feeling now… it wasn’t normal. He wondered if Subaru was actually currently directing to him some spell that makes him connect to the onmyouji like an empath… His other hand slid to the younger man’s face, tracing his ear gently. “I won’t… Trust me.”  
  
“But someday you will, right…?” Subaru sounded drugged, and Seishirou felt those long lashes brush against his chest as the younger man closed his eyes once more. Seishirou felt a pang of guilt despite himself.  _It is destined to be… but you should have remembered… Hokuto’s will…  
  
I don’t want to die alone…_   
  
“I don’t know…” he could only murmur honestly, his own eyes closing. What’s the point of telling a lie? Somehow, he’s also tired of telling lies, of denying to himself…  
  
“If you should… you should do it now.”  
  
Seishirou opened his eyes in surprise, stared at the top of the onmyouji’s head. Too much trust… too much poignancy… too much disillusionment. The current Subaru. He wondered then if Subaru was actually sleeptalking or something… but he wasn’t. He sounded as coherent as he was earlier when he tried to beat Seishirou’s drinking record. This present world with Subaru wasn’t a dream, he knew… so much for a man who long believed that life is an illusion…  
  
“I don’t want to, Subaru-kun…”  
  
 _… why, Seishirou-san…?_    
  
“Because I want to watch you sleep,” he whispered softly. He felt Subaru struggle to reach once more into his mind, answer back, but weariness had already succeeded in dragging him down to its darkness. Seishirou watched the younger man’s limp, vulnerable form for a little while longer, before sinking his face into the fragrant black hair.  
  
 _… because I…_  

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was posted around 2007. My first NC-17, I think? I'm honestly quite embarrassed.


End file.
